It’s helped me become more aware of my nervous system, what triggers me and perhaps most importantly, what happens in those moments when I know logically what I should do, yet somehow find myself pulled back into familiar patterns and coping styles.
Learning how to intentionally use my breath to shift how my body and mind feel has become such a valuable tool in my everyday life.
It’s also made me deeply fascinated by the connection between our breath, nervous system, emotions and the way we experience the world.
And the more I’ve learned, the more curious I’ve become about why we respond the way we do.
Why do certain situations trigger such strong reactions internally?
Why can we know something isn't good for us, yet still find ourselves attached and drawn in?
Why can we recognise a pattern, understand it and promise ourselves we'll do things differently, only to find ourselves doing the same thing we’ve always done?
I’ve become especially intrigued by the patterns we develop early in life and how they can quietly follow us into adulthood.
They can influence our relationships, our work, our boundaries, our decisions and the way we respond when something feels uncertain, uncomfortable or threatening.
And sometimes, our body knows something is happening before our mind has even caught up.
These patterns begin earlier than we think.
As children, we experience things and try to make sense of them.
We learn what we believe we need to do to feel safe, loved, accepted or connected.
From these experiences, our brains begin to create internal blueprints for how we understand ourselves, others and the world around us.
Those blueprints can stay with us long after the circumstances that created them have changed.
These patterns are often referred to as schemas.
So, what are schemas?
Think of a schema as a map your brain creates about life.
It can influence what you expect from other people, how you interpret situations, what you believe about yourself and how you respond when something feels familiar or brings up a strong emotional response.
For example, imagine a girl who learns that being good, getting things right, keeping everyone happy or trying harder helps her feel loved, accepted or safe.
As a child, that response can make perfect sense.
Trying harder might help her feel connected. Being good might help her avoid conflict. Getting things right might help her feel valued.
But we don't stay as children.
We grow up.
And sometimes, the map stays the same.
That girl may become a woman who works hard to prove herself, struggles to say no, worries about disappointing people, takes on too much responsibility or feels like she’s never enough.
She might chase a man who is distant, work harder for someone's love or approval, feel responsible for keeping the peace in friendships or family, or feel she has to constantly prove her worth at work.
The situations have changed.
The map hasn't.
What once helped you cope can later become a pattern that continues to show up across all your adult relationship whether romantic, friendships, family or work.
And you don't attract the same men. You choose them.
You choose what feels familiar, even when that familiarity isn't necessarily healthy.
You might chase a man whose emotionally unavailable, work desperately hard for someone's validation, keep the peace at your own expense or stay in situations way longer than you should.
And it isn't because you don't know better.
You do.
The challenge is recognising what's happening in that micro moment before the old response takes over.
When you're triggered, there's a question worth asking yourself:
Am I trying to be chosen or am I choosing myself?
Because real change isn't just about understanding why you do what you do.
It's about learning how to catch yourself while it's happening.
That moment of awareness creates enough space to pause, respond differently and make a choice that reflects who you are now, rather than automatically following an old pattern.
That’s where awareness and nervous system regulation can begin to change the choices you make and ultimately, change your life.